Chapter 1: The Decline of a Mother

Witnessing my mother’s health deteriorate over the past year has been a challenging experience, particularly as she battles dementia, leaving me to navigate her increasingly awkward behavior.

Dementia is an affliction that many of us will encounter, though its severity varies for each person. My mother’s isolated existence in a long-forgotten mountain town hasn't aided her condition.

For those unfamiliar with dementia, it often manifests through a loss of social filters. Unfortunately, my mother’s already limited ability to think before she speaks has resulted in increasingly outrageous comments.

My mother has also been a lifelong practitioner of fat-shaming, a skill she honed while raising two daughters who, surprisingly, do not fit her narrow view of body image. Despite my sister and I being far from overweight, we both faced her relentless criticism.

My sister, who naturally has a curvier figure, bore the brunt of my mother’s remarks, which began when she was just 13. As adults, we’ve learned to laugh off her absurd comments, but with my mother now living so close, the situation has become more complicated.

During a recent visit to help relocate our mother, I was enjoying a plate of fries when she asked how much I weighed. After a moment of thought, I responded honestly, despite knowing my mother’s tendency to critique.

Her reply was, "And your doctor is okay with that?" to which I explained that my doctor had expressed concerns. My sister chimed in, and we shared a moment of humor, trying to lighten the situation.

For the record, I’m 5'4" and 127 lbs, which is not overweight by any standard. While I, like many women, might want to shed a few pounds, I also cherish life’s simple pleasures, including indulging in queso.

Throughout her hospital stays, my mother would often criticize the nursing staff for their weight, as if it was a personal affront to her. Each time someone entered her room, we’d silently hope for a thinner nurse to avoid her harsh commentary.

Recently, I accompanied her to a cardiologist's appointment, where she was eager to learn her weight. After stepping on the scale, she shrieked at the number. Contextually, she had been on the brink of death several months ago but is now much healthier and stronger.

The nurse, a kind-hearted individual, laughed and empathized, but my mother quickly turned his compliment into a critique about his own weight. I felt the embarrassment wash over me, realizing that her comments were part of a larger pattern linked to her current mental state.

Engaging with her on this would be futile. When she proudly claimed her lack of a filter, I could only sigh in resignation.

After the appointment, I exchanged a knowing glance with the patient nurse who had endured my mother’s comments. In that moment, I felt a sense of relief — I wasn’t the one making hurtful remarks; I was merely a bystander to my mother’s ongoing struggle.

Now, off to the next queso stand I go!

The first video provides insight into the damaging effects of fat-shaming, illustrating the negative impacts such attitudes can have on individuals and society.

Chapter 2: The Gym Encounter

In this second video, a fit individual fat-shames a mother at the gym, demonstrating the pervasive nature of body shaming in various environments.