Embrace Your Own Narrative: Stop Being the Hero for Others
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Chapter 1: The Burden of Heroism
The issue with taking on the role of a hero is that it can strip away your humanity.
Photo by Arthur Brognoli
The saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility.” I have always had a nurturing disposition, often playing the protector. Throughout my school years, I ensured my friends completed their assignments, felt irritated when my siblings neglected their chores, and strived to keep my partner looking flawless. I found joy in being of assistance to others, feeling a deep connection to their struggles and sadness.
However, while this inclination may appear generous, the relentless pursuit of being everyone's hero proved to be a draining and toxic experience for me. My own mental health suffered significantly, leading me to vow never to endure that again. Here’s why.
Section 1.1: The Expectations of Heroism
Once you become the go-to person for everyone, the expectation is that you will always be available. This often means putting aside your own feelings and needs. Many times, people might not understand when you cannot be there for them.
I recall instances where friends, despite my clear indications of needing support, remained absent because my struggles seemed irrelevant to them. They had pigeonholed me as the “happy” one, failing to recognize that I could also face challenges.
This phenomenon was evident during the pandemic, where the term "hero" was frequently used to deflect attention from the struggles faced by those labeled as such. An article from Slate highlights this, stating:
“Yes, they are all heroes, but they are also stuck, and if calling them 'angels' deflects from how broken their compensation and job protection arrangement really is, then we need to find a new way to talk about it. Heroism is associated with unnatural martyrdom, willing sacrifice, and, above all, choice… But they are not really essential; they are sacrifices.”
Sometimes, I felt compelled to uphold a façade of positivity, believing it was my duty to uplift others. In doing so, I lost my own identity as a human being, merely seen as their superhero.
Section 1.2: You Don't Owe Anyone
No matter how much someone loves or relies on you, it's essential to recognize that you owe nothing to anyone. Your actions should stem from your desires, not from obligation.
I found myself in a lengthy relationship, convinced that my partner depended on me for his growth and happiness. Although I felt increasingly uncomfortable, the belief that I owed him my support kept me tethered. I became his “hero,” but it ultimately took a toll on my mental well-being.
I wish someone had told me then: They will survive without you.
Your life is your own responsibility. Regardless of how needed you may feel by others, your own needs must take precedence.
Subsection 1.2.1: The Illusion of Gratitude
My ex-boyfriend, now with my former best friend, is thriving in all aspects of life. I realized he wasn’t as reliant on me as I had believed. When I ceased to engage with him, he quickly moved on without expressing gratitude for my past support.
If you take on the role of a hero in someone else's life, expecting eternal gratitude, you are likely to be disappointed. Many times, I attempted to guide others towards better paths, only to be rebuffed and accused of trying to control their lives.
The truth is, attempting to be the hero in someone else’s story can make them feel as though you are intruding on their autonomy, and they may not appreciate your efforts.
Chapter 2: Your Own Story Matters
You have your own narrative, and your feelings are paramount within it. Being labeled a hero often means prioritizing others’ needs over your own.
Real-life heroism is an illusion—a term we use to justify sacrificing our health and happiness for those who may not value our efforts. For a long time, I believed my struggles were insignificant compared to others’, leading me to feel guilty for even experiencing sadness.
However, every emotion you encounter, regardless of its magnitude, deserves attention. Just as you invest time in resolving others' issues, they should reciprocate. If they do not, it indicates selfishness rather than heroism.
Stop trying to be the hero in others’ narratives. You are the most significant person in your life, and it’s vital to prioritize yourself.
If you find happiness in a decision, that should be your focus. Don’t feel responsible for determining others' happiness or making sacrifices that do not resonate with your own desires.
People often won’t show the appreciation you expect. Thus, being a hero in their lives is futile if it comes at the expense of your own well-being. Prioritize your choices, as you will be the one most grateful for them.
The first video, "Stop Playing the Victim. BE THE HERO | Mindshift 5," encourages viewers to take control of their narratives and embrace personal empowerment.
The second video, "Be the Real Life Hero of Your Own Story with Don Miller," emphasizes the importance of crafting your own story and not being overshadowed by the needs of others.
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