Avoid These 3 Common Pitfalls Right After a Tough Breakup
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Understanding Breakups
Experiencing a breakup can feel like a sudden upheaval in your life. The shift can be overwhelming, forcing you to confront changes you weren't prepared for. The emotional, physical, and spiritual challenges that accompany this loss can infiltrate every aspect of your daily routine. It often becomes the focal point of your existence, overshadowing everything else you once held dear.
But what if this doesn’t have to be your reality? This isn’t just another article suggesting you distract yourself with friends, avoid sad movies, or hit the gym—though, honestly, spending time with friends and staying active are beneficial steps. Breakups hurt, but the actions you take afterward can either amplify your suffering or help you heal.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to cope with the pain, it is possible to break free from the cycle of sadness. If you're contemplating winning your ex back, shifting your mindset is crucial, as it will clarify who should be making efforts for reconciliation.
My Approach
In my coaching sessions, I assist individuals in navigating relationship challenges based on attachment theory. A common question I encounter is, “How can I get my ex back?”
The first thing I want you to do is to let go of that mindset. At its core, a breakup represents a partner evaluating the relationship and deciding it’s not working. On a subconscious level, it often signals that they believe they can find someone better.
While this may sound harsh, it reflects a certain truth: after a breakup, the best course of action is to do nothing at all. The person who ended the relationship has indicated they no longer wish to be with you. Why, then, are you considering ways to win them back?
The saying, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone,” may be cliché, but it carries weight. Allow them to experience life without you. Initially, many feel a sense of relief after a breakup, but the reality sets in when they start to feel the void of your absence.
The Power of Distance
The next step is to create some distance. I’m not suggesting you cut off all communication with an ex who wants to discuss matters, but when they expect you to plead for another chance, not doing so can be shocking to them.
When someone breaks up with you, they might feel superior, thinking they've made a better choice. By responding with grace—saying, “I wish you well”—you achieve several things:
- Your self-worth increases.
- You demonstrate respect for their decision.
- You show that you have the capability to move forward.
Many people are familiar with the no-contact rule, which serves as a powerful indicator that you’re okay on your own and not waiting for their call. This means no texting, calling, or trying to check in. Avoid all reminders of your past together.