Step 1: Uncover the Essence of a Thriving Relationship

What makes your relationship with your partner so special?

You may adore their smile, laughter, voice, or their caring nature. Perhaps the scent of their hair makes you feel on top of the world, or their culinary skills are heavenly. You might even have shared memorable moments together.

However, there’s a deeper aspect to consider.

Shared values.

Disagreements and disconnection often arise from differing values.

It’s not just about wanting to work out three times a week while your partner prefers Netflix and nachos; it’s about one person valuing health and growth while the other favors relaxation and entertainment. This pattern is reflected in other areas, such as travel preferences or dining choices.

When both partners share the same values, discussions about food choices or workout routines become less contentious.

Living in alignment with shared values fosters a stronger connection and greater trust.

To start your journaling process, reflect on these questions:

• What matters to me in this relationship?
• What experiences do I need to feel fulfilled?
• What are my core values?

Express your needs and expectations clearly. Whether it’s loyalty, love, adventure, honesty, or safety, make sure to articulate what you value most. From there, identify five to seven shared values that both of you can commit to. Define what these values mean and how you’d like to express them. It’s okay to have differing priorities, as long as both partners feel their needs are being met.

Congratulations! You’ve established a strong foundation for a satisfying relationship.

Step 2: Transform Intentions into Commitment

Small actions can lead to significant changes.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you know how easy it is to fall into a routine. It's not the first time you've tried to "spice things up," and often, those efforts don't last.

Using a relationship journal means committing to monthly check-ins — there’s too much at stake to keep postponing.

As a habit coach, I understand how quickly enthusiasm can fade. Good intentions often wane after a long day or when social invitations arise. So, what’s the solution?

Implement an accountability system.

Set reminders, incorporate journaling into your date night, or reward yourselves after each session. Consider partnering with another couple for mutual support.

Instead of perceiving it as a chore, view it as a fun ritual that enhances your connection. Brew your favorite tea, turn off distractions, and snuggle up.

Don’t let comfort lead to complacency — we’ve all been there, and it rarely ends well.

Schedule regular reviews and hold each other accountable. This small step can have a tremendous impact.

Step 3: Engage in Honest Reflection and Action

Being honest can sting in the moment, but ignoring the truth can cause more significant pain down the line.

Conducting a review not only highlights the good times but also reveals areas for improvement — it may be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.

Over time, I’ve identified three essential steps for effective reflection.

1. Revisit Your Values

Start with the straightforward part.

With your values clearly defined, assess how well you've adhered to them. Have you honored your desire for love, adventure, and appreciation? Or have life's challenges overshadowed these ideals?

2. Ask Difficult Questions

Once you’ve addressed the basics, delve deeper.

Many things can remain unspoken over time. Insights often emerge later, and busy schedules can prevent you from enjoying positive experiences.

Consider these guiding questions:

• Were you satisfied with the month’s events?
• Is there something you’ve wanted to share but haven’t?
• Are there any wishes you have for your partner?
• Have you felt hurt in any way?
• What are you grateful for this month with your partner?
• What moments made you feel connected or disconnected?
• How can I enhance my love for you this month?

Some inquiries may make you uncomfortable — that’s the goal. Growth often occurs outside your comfort zone. Ask without fear and respond without judgment.

3. Take Action

Wishing for change won’t produce results; action does.

Connecting with your partner through honest conversations is inspiring, but following through is crucial.

The challenges of daily life can quickly overshadow good intentions, so if you want to enhance your relationship, you must actively commit.

Set aside time for an adventurous outing or create a small ritual to connect regularly. Adjust your schedule to ensure quality time together.

Take action, no matter how small.