Chapter 1: Understanding Triggers

Triggers can serve as valuable opportunities for self-discovery.

Consider those moments that provoke a strong reaction: - The critical comment from your mother regarding your partner. - The late-night email from a colleague eager to demonstrate their worth. - The offhand remark from a friend about your wardrobe choices. - The shared glance among siblings when you express dissatisfaction with your job.

These situations often stem from familiar sources—small interactions that trigger disproportionately intense feelings within us.

One valuable insight I gained from my therapist is to embrace these triggered emotions rather than resist them. Triggers often arise when someone unknowingly touches a sensitive area of our psyche or a wound that hasn't healed yet.

Experiencing a trigger doesn’t have to be a passive event; instead, it can be a catalyst for introspection and self-inquiry.

For instance, I shared with my therapist that my father’s question about my career advancement consistently triggered me.

“Why does that question trouble you?” she inquired.

I fumbled through my thoughts, expressing how intrusive and rude I found the question. With her gentle guidance, we uncovered the deeper issue—I feared being perceived as inadequate in my father's eyes, stemming from my unconscious comparisons to his remarkable career success.

This comparison arose because I had yet to define what achievement and success meant to me personally. Lacking my own benchmarks and values, I unintentionally mirrored his standards.

This realization opened up new avenues for me to explore my own definitions of success—thanks to my therapist's ability to identify and engage with my triggers.

Now, I view each trigger as a signpost leading to unexplored territories within myself. Following these leads has revealed hidden aspects of my being that require attention, care, and healing.