Finding Yourself Through Pretentiousness: An Unexpected Journey
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Chapter 1: The Quest for Validation
The journey begins with the desire to fit in, often leading to a sense of identity shaped by others’ perceptions.
Throughout my life, I've pursued my passions relentlessly. “Pretentiousness arises when you seek to shape others’ opinions about you or your work.” Reflecting on my early days as an artist—singing, acting, writing, directing, and photography—I yearned for one thing: validation.
Every reaction, comment, and even subtle facial expressions became my focus, as if my artistic existence hinged on them. Applause felt exhilarating, while silence was crushing. But do these external validations truly matter in the realm of creativity?
The “V” Factor
At age six, I participated in a costume contest, portraying a magician and snagging first place. By eleven, I found myself in a skit as a ghost in "A Christmas Carol," and our performance won acclaim, particularly for my menacing laugh.
In the following weeks, my peers associated me with that character, leaving me puzzled. Was my brief performance truly that memorable? Some even teased me, reenacting my lines. Yet, I remained unfazed. The core of my identity was still malleable, shaped largely by others’ opinions.
In cricket, I initially struggled with fast bowling. My coach recommended table tennis to improve my focus. I embraced this new sport and, by age 16, found myself competing nationally in Mumbai, feeling liberated from others’ judgments.
Despite my cricket teammates mocking my choice—belittling table tennis as a lesser sport—I understood that true self-belief transcends external perceptions. Competing at a national level taught me that validation is insignificant; what truly counts is the belief one holds about oneself, shaped by genuine experiences rather than external opinions.
Table tennis became a meditative escape, forcing me to concentrate completely on the game. My participation elevated our school's reputation, while the cricket team fell short in state tournaments. My passion for cricket remained, but I was grateful for ignoring the noise around me and not chasing validation.
Chapter 2: The Double-Edged Nature of Pretentiousness
"Fake it till you make it"—a phrase often heard but one that can cut both ways.
At 19, I was infatuated with a girl who adored music and poetry—traits I initially lacked. To impress her, I dived into research, crafting a persona that I thought she would admire. I even borrowed a poem and presented it as my own, leading to a brief romance.
However, as we got to know each other, the facade crumbled. The relationship was more about my need to impress than genuine connection. When I confessed the truth, it ended poorly, but years later, I learned from her that my actions had impacted her deeply.
Her words struck me: “Who are you? Why didn’t I meet this version of you earlier?” This interaction forced me to confront my tendency to mold myself into someone I thought was desirable rather than embracing my authentic self.
Sometimes, pretentiousness can lead to discovering our true identity, revealing how much more we are than our fabricated selves. It’s a matter of self-awareness, which I’ll explore further another time.
Chapter 3: Embracing the Pretentiousness
After dedicating nine years to storytelling, I now proudly identify as an artist. I encourage aspiring creators to embrace pretentiousness with humor; it signifies ambition and the pursuit of lofty goals.
In my earlier years, I might have crumbled under pressure during a project. Recently, while shooting an ad for Korean tourism, I faced unexpected challenges when a location fell through. Instead of panicking, I adapted and led my team with confidence, ultimately producing a superior result.
This situation highlighted that a calm mind could transform obstacles into opportunities. It taught me that being perceived as pretentious sometimes provides the necessary support for a team in distress. A good leader often emerges by initially projecting confidence, whether or not they feel it inside.
The lesson here? Many people seek a reliable figure they can lean on during tough times. If you can embody that role, you have the makings of a true leader.
Chapter 4: Reflecting on My Journey
I’ve lived through a significant portion of my adult life embracing pretentiousness, yet my perspective has shifted. When I transitioned from an IT career to filmmaking, my initial motivation was to prove my capabilities to the world.
Now, I create for the sake of expression and storytelling. My love for film has become my refuge, providing meaning and understanding in my life.
Life is not about binary definitions; even negative perceptions can foster positive growth. While pretentiousness may frustrate those on the receiving end, it can ultimately help the pretender discover their true self.
In essence, we all play roles in various aspects of our lives—whether at work, home, or among friends. If only we could be our authentic selves, even when alone, the world would be a far simpler place.
Until next time,
Ciao!
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