Chapter 1: Awakening to Spirituality

In this journey of self-discovery, many grapple with the question of how spirituality integrates into daily life. The concerns often arise: who will want to be around you if you embrace a spiritual path?

Initially, the experience of spirituality can feel daunting, especially if one’s past was rooted in a faith that was more about judgment and fear than love and acceptance. Growing up, the constant reminders of divine punishment loomed large. Phrases like, “You’re going to be held accountable for that,” created a mindset of anxiety and dread.

On Sundays, the façade of saintliness would often crumble by afternoon, with individuals indulging in behaviors that contradicted their morning piety. Grappling with negative thoughts made one question their worthiness and even their eternal fate.

When I first encountered recovery meetings, the rituals felt intensely religious. The Serenity Prayer opened our gatherings, and the Lord's Prayer closed them, while references to God were frequent throughout our discussions. I confided my discomfort to those seasoned in the program, expressing that I felt it was too religious for my liking. Their laughter reassured me; they explained that while the program is not religious, it is deeply spiritual.

I was skeptical, believing they were merely playing with words. They pressed me to consider how much control I had over natural phenomena—sunrises, rivers, and even my own heartbeat. Acknowledging my lack of control, I began to entertain the notion of a higher power at work in the universe.

They encouraged me to think of this power as akin to electricity or heat—forces we can’t see but undeniably feel. I learned that this Higher Power wasn’t some distant entity judging me but resided within my heart. My desire for the serenity they embodied was so strong that I was ready to do whatever it took to attain it.

"Fake it 'till you make it," they advised, and I was eager to embrace that mindset. I mimicked their words and actions, hoping that their experiences could also transform my life. Reflecting on my journey, it became clear that this approach was effective almost immediately.

I immersed myself in the program, which, while simple, posed its challenges. As someone prone to addiction, I craved more of this newfound clarity. I noticed longer stretches of time passing without thoughts of drinking. When confronted, I found myself responding with calm rather than anger.

These changes were liberating; I hardly missed my former self. At the onset, I had few genuine friendships, merely acquaintances. Gradually, I cultivated meaningful relationships with those who chose to be around me, and I reciprocated that choice. The shift was remarkable!

Practicing these new ways of being felt akin to mastering a sport or learning a language—my confidence blossomed as I honed my skills. Once, I disliked myself, which fueled my resentment toward others. This negative cycle led to guilt and remorse, prompting destructive behaviors.

However, as my self-esteem grew, I noticed others behaving more kindly towards me. My street smarts gave me insight into the dynamics around me, allowing me to recognize the program’s effectiveness, even when I didn’t fully understand why. I learned that sometimes, the answer to "why" is simply “just because.”

This journey introduced me to the essence of a Higher Power in my life. It opened my eyes to the broader concept of spirituality, which is merely a different lens through which to view this divine influence. Today, I no longer flinch at the thought of religion; I understand my Higher Power is omnipresent.

Ultimately, the question of who would want to be in my life is answered by everyone I care about. Thank you, God!

The first video is "Jordan Davis - Next Thing You Know (Official Lyric Video)". This song encapsulates themes of self-discovery and the emotions tied to personal growth.

The second video, "Song Lyrics Are So Stupid. Sid Davis - Full Special," humorously critiques common lyrical themes, offering insights into our understanding of life and relationships.